and my knee hurts too.
as some of you may know, last summer i got in a pretty nasty bicycle crash (by myself) which landed me in the ED and sling for a week. i managed to make it about 18 miles on the road before losing control, while going downhill in the rain, and ended up making a nose-dive for the ditch next to the road to avoid hitting a car that had passed me and stopped at the bottom of the hill. let me say: i am not exaggerating, but i would say on the conservative side, i must have been going at least 35mph. luckily, an incredibly lovely woman stopped to help and drove me all the way to the hospital. i had separated my ac joint in my left shoulder.
side note: i had to leave my bike behind for a friend to come after, and when she got there the bike was gone.
i was pretty mehhh about riding on the road again after that. i mean, i was taking on my own liability by being a cyclist among cars anyway. it’s my choice to ride, and it was my fault i ended up in the ED.
today i tried riding on the road again. this time, i [obviously] had a different bike, which means different pedals and clips. these clips are particularly hard to unclip from, and i had fallen trying to unclip from them last fall. that was on a cyclocross course, however, which was basically a field in the middle of nowhere. i didn’t have to worry about cars.
i had gotten pretty good at the old shoes & clips, so i tried to push the fear of falling again to the back of my mind. i started. and stopped. all right, no problem. i got this. next intersection: unclip. stop. start again. and then…. the final intersection: i tried unclipping. i tried again. i was already on a descent and felt like i couldn’t stop fast enough. then the unclipping not working just freaked me out even more. i jerked my left foot, and it stayed in the clip.
i fell pretty hard on my left knee and hand. it was a weird thing. i knew i was falling into oncoming traffic, and my head was about a foot from a van that was passing. i am lucky i was safe and all i got was some scrapes, but the mental block that i face now is too big to manage anymore. i was too anxious to ride back home, so i had someone pick me up.
has anyone else had something like this happen to them? i really want to be able to enjoy riding, but i want to be safe too. (duh. everyone does.) i don’t know what it is about these new shoes and clips, but it feels like unclipping is a hit or miss – i can never tell whether the next time will be scary as hell or a breeze. or maybe it’s all the anxiety i’ve developed, and the mentality is keeping me from being able to do it successfully? what do you do when something you used to enjoy so much has become too much of a source of anxiety to enjoy it anymore?